Bo, that's what my neighbors called me. My favorite toy as a child was the "ball". I was so fascinated with the shape that everything round was perfect. Peas, the Sun, the full Moon, eyes, roundness... So much so that even the letter "O" was a favorite letter, I spelled ball as BOLL since its round and should have the letter!
And so I grew up with that pet name, Bo. I took on some properties of the ball, to Bounce.
bounce
Verb
Move quickly away from a surface after hitting it; rebound: "the ball bounced off the wall".
And so I learned to bounce... from fights, from terrible accidents, from disasters...
There comes a time in everyone's life when they are changed. The following changed mine...
On a sunny winter day in a small cafe in the financial district of San Francisco; (San Francisco is a very beautiful place in the winter with the cool weather and bright sun shining.) There sat a young man who must have just stepped out of his teens. Spare facial hair growth, tall and well built. As he sat there in his brown overcoat, eating frozen yogurt that the waitress at the 'Working Girls Cafe" winked at him. He smiled and looked out to the street. "Today is a good day" thought the young man as he relaxed into the steel and wood chair placed on the sidewalk. After a few moments he dialed to call a friend and see if he was free to come join for a cup of coffee. As the friend declined, he placed the phone on the table so that in-case his friend called he'd not miss the call. As the young man sat eating the iced yogurt looking at the people hustling by on the sidewalk, a black boy not much older than the frozen yogurt eating boy stopped by the table. The black boy picked up the phone and said "Nice phone." and proceeded to walk away with the phone. Our young man at the table wasn't one to go down quietly so he chases the thief who has his phone. After a two minute chase, the boy catches the thief and beats him. During this process he is surrounded by a gang of thugs. Now each of them is about six to six and a half feet tall. After the young boy got up to fight off these new attackers he fell to the barrage of fists and feet. After a rather valiant effort to fight for himself, the boy was felled by a set of brass knuckles that hit him in the face below his right eye three times in quick succession. At this point the gang proceeded to leave with their wounded. The young man got up to see himself surrounded by people of all ages just watching. No one had dialed "911", no one to help him, no one to even attempt to save him. With his broken face of which as he found out later required reconstructive surgery which consisted of a new eye socket a new zygomatic arch and upper cheek bone all crafted out of Titanium so it would be permanent.
No one will help you get out of your troubles. No one will ever help you when you are down and out. No one will do anything for you. You have to 'bounce' back yourself.
That boy was me. The year 2006. I'd turned twenty just three months before the incident.
I bounced from that. It physically hurt me for months. It mentally hurt me for years. But I bounced.
I went through everything after that with a smile on my face. Nothing fazed me. No problem was too big to handle. After this incident I had the courage to take on the world. The whole process of recovering from this made me a tough nut to crack, never ever after that has anything hurt me that badly again... Until a week ago... I cracked open, shattered once more.
I lost the woman I loved a few years ago and I still hoped somewhere that I'd get once more chance with her and prove it to her that we were meant to be together, it was something that I could fix, or so I thought. I waited and waited, and finally the day came when she was single once again. She initiated contact from her end. It was like the fates had finally smiled upon me. The clouds were breaking, the storm was ending. I could see happiness on the other side. She wanted to meet me! I was ecstatic and apprehensive about it all. When I opened up to her finally she told me she wanted me only as a friend and that she was going to get married, it was a scary decision and she needed me as a friend. I thought she was history and I was strong enough to forget after this... But every time I think of her, it all comes rushing back like it was only yesterday. And the fact that it will never be possible for me to hold her like she was mine or look upon her to know she was only mine that we were beautiful and happy together. Its over. It will never happen, I will never be able to fix us. We are really over. It has finally hit me after all these years. I lost you. Forever. I know you might not forgive me for not taking the right steps at the right time. I have no one to blame. I feel like I was back in 2006, hurt on the street, fallen in blood, gasping for air. With everyone looking upon me from afar... leaving me alone, stranded, suffocated, suffering. The damage done to my face doesn't even feel like a fraction of the damage that my heart has suffered this week. I feel as though a truckload of Titanium bolts won't be enough to fix this fracture. If this feeling could be represented in terms of physical pain, try to imagine your heart in a blender while its still attached to your body, and every time I think about her being married to someone else its like the blender has started moving and chopping my heart into tiny bits.
But...
I will love again. I might be in the depths of the darkest hell, but I will come back from this. Those seven black thugs couldn't kill my spirit. No one can. I might get beaten to a pulp but I will rise up again. Beat me up and I will heal and come back for more. I will love again with just as much passion and energy. I might get hurt once again but at least I'm ready for it this time. I will bounce back. Again and again. From this as well as many more things that life will throw at me.
A true life story.
